ep #4: loving, or not.

"as long as men dominate women we cannot have love between us. that love & domination can coexist is one of the most powerful lies patriarchy tells us all. most men & women continue to believe it but in truth love transforms domination."  

~ bell hooks~  

excerpt from the book "The Will to Change: Men, Masculinity & Love"  


in this podcast Donna & Elden explore the moment-to-moment experience of learning to relate with love.  


through lines of this conversation include:

  • the reality that relating with love requires acknowledging the intrinsic value of those relating & what they bring into the relationship.
    • fear/control based connection interfere with love based connection.
    • who/what decides our value?


  • the power of narrative within our relational dynamics.
    • where did our narratives come from?
    • what is their impact on our relationship?
    • how can we re-route them to support us in different ways? 


  • how do we create awareness of what's loving & what's not?
    • moment to moment
      • step back.
      • ground, breathe, take care of your nervous system.
      • acknowledge the feeling(s).


  • taking 100% responsibility for ones self & ones relational impact.
    • we don't have control over past history & responses that emerge from it.
    • we can become aware of past history.
    • we can become aware of how our behaviors activate prior wounding.
    • we can work the patterns together to relate in more connective ways.


  • emotional/mental maturity
    • recognizing the state change(s) & moment-to-moment capacity to show up relationally.
    • must be trained
      • training requires:
        • space & time where safety is accessible.
        • modeling


  Links to resources & teachers mentioned:  

Trabian Shorters

Interview with Trabian @ the On Being Podcast

Internal Family Systems - Richard Schwartz

Dr Joe Dispenza

Remember Institute  & Intersection of Mankind - Rev Brig  


the wired for connection podcast is recorded, edited & produced from the un-ceded (stolen) ancestral homelands of the Ramaytush Ohlone people the area commonly referred to as the San Francisco Peninsula.  


intro/outro music by Ayla Rose


*disclaimer: this content is for entertainment purposes only*